Charles McCarthy's Facial Hair Garners Applause!

Let's face the facts, people. There are literally hundreds of hard-working folks with the comedic ability and resume to get jobs with Adult Swim. Thousands, maybe! (That may be overstepping it. I apologize.)

But do any of those people have the tenacity to grow such alluring facial hair? If you answered with a resounding "NO!" then you are correct, and shall be rewarded with a clear conscience. Those of you who did not answer with a resounding "NO!" will never again see the light of day as a moral human being who contributes to society in a way that enhances the lives of those around you.

The voice of the people has spoken, and it says, "Give us Chesterfields* or give us Death!" A vote for Charles McCarthy is a vote for the Chesterfield. And a vote for the Chesterfield is a vote for a stronger America.

CHARLES MCCARTHY IN '06!

-erni crews, campaign manager and humane society reject

*Chesterfield: the style of beard presently worn by Mr. McCarthy and all great patriots.